Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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