the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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