watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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