Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
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my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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