seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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