people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Randomize
