This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have post one night stand depression
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