im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
