Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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