You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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