for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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