We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
They have beer where we have blood.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
