My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just invented taco cereal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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