hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
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