had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
