He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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