I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
