WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
