You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
wow bdsm is so cute
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
