i think i have two assholes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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