addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
