i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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