She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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