I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've blown a few things in my day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
