There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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