It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Semen is not good for contacts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
