By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
