can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so let's talk penis.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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