I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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