His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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