Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
