But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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