What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
