I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
