i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Im part way to drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
