Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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