Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
