That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
