He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
