Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
