my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
