wanna go halves on a baby?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
