I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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