Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
