I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
