good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
