glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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