After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
