My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My ass is underappreciated
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van