Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
