i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
