why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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