You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
