Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
