We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
