need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
