need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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