dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
