I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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