it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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