I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
