you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
