Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
