I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
