No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
