I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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