Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
