I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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