I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
