My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
