Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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