we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
