Just cropdusted the office
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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