He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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