This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
