By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
