I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
