You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
