the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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