your parents love me but you hate me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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