Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
