I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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