WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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