Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
