My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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