Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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