: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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